


the ones who dont slow down

by thecanary



Category: South Park
Genre: Camping, M/M, Road Trip, and, idk what else skjf, theyre middle aged now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-20 15:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16558070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecanary/pseuds/thecanary
Summary: me holding a gun to @twitchy_hands while there is also a gun being pointed at me: south park fic?i still havent seen south park im still not gonna but here have some middle aged men going camping together but only one of them is thrilled about itshould b 3 chaps total i reckon





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twitchy_hands](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twitchy_hands/gifts).



"So, it'd be unrealistically optimistic of me to assume we'll get there soon, yeah?"  
"Yeah, sadly so Craig."  
"And you don't really know how long it'll be, don't even think of sayi-"  
"We'll get there when we get there."  
"Yeah that."  
"Aw don't be such a bummer, you'll enjoy it when you're there. Time to enjoy each other's company and like, eat tofu that tastes like smoke."  
"I can't even tell if you're being sarcastic there. Like, is the smoke an appeal to you? Is that part of this ordeal that you enjoy?"

Stan shrugged. It was fortunate Craig was at least responsible with their driving, or else there definitely would have been an eye roll directed at Stan. The sunglasses they were wearing would have made it more or less redundant anyway. A shame all in all, Craig figured; half of how they showed emotions was rolling their eyes. The road stretched reasonably far in front of them, winding around hills and fields filled with cattle, not too many other cars on the road. 'That's why you have to leave early in the morning' as Stan would say. At least Stan usually agreed to take the first shift driving, letting Craig drift in and out of glorious half-consciousness, knees bundled up on the passenger seat, waking occasionally to see streaks of colour caused by the rising sun spread across the mountains. Craig hated it - too bright - so even asleep they wore sunglasses, a blanket pulled around them like a coccoon until it was more appropriate to be awake in their eyes; at which point they'd stop at the first shop open that sold either energy drinks or coffees and Craig would sip at it until further awake. 

They'd already switched to the next part of the journey, where after Stan was bored of driving, they'd pull over once it was safe and Craig would take over. The only proviso being that Craig had finished whatever awful caffeinated beverage was the poison of the day. 

Craig could tell there wasn't going to be an answer to the question. Nothing serious at least, and if it took Stan this long to come up with a joke there would hardly be a point in hearing it. 

"We don't even get radio out here," Craig said, scrolling fruitlessly through the radio stations, each one offering nothing more than slightly differently pitched static.  
"Your choice not to bring CDs."  
Craig shook their head. "Who owns a single CD anymore?"  
Stan laughed. "You do! We do! We live together and we have a CD collection."  
"I mean yeah, but who remembers that they own CDs?"  
"God, you suck. It's okay though. I still love you."  
"Do you still love me enough to take me on these near constant camping trips?"  
"It's? A few times a year? And of course I do. I'd take you camping even if I hated you."

On a straight stretch of road now, Craig felt confident enough to lift a hand off the steering wheel to flip off Stan, still with a downright joyous smile on their face. Well, as joyous as anyone could be while heading on a camping trip that they were going on to oblige their partner. It wasn't that Craig absolutely hated them, but it was certainly the roles the two of them had found regarding their camping trips and it was fun to play it out. 

"Good thing it's a hard thing to get lost a straight road," Craig said, mind going through worst case scenarios for going to a new location.  
There was a pause. Not a good sound - or lack of. Not good news.  
"Well, about that, -"  
"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

 

And they laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a fair bit of backtracking, side streets and refusals to ask for directions before they finally got back on the right track. At least, they hoped so, and were slightly more confident this time. Craig had the feeling of rolling their eyes the whole way there but with Stan's spirit it was at least not too bad. The roads were a bit more busy now, though still relatively uninhabited. They were hoping that the campsite was going to be empty - Stan had looked into it, and it seemed not too popular and plenty spacious, so it shouldn't be too hard to avoid people there. 

Stan had gotten a bit bored, and was lazily eating popcorn, spilling enough of it on the ground for Craig to audibly sigh. 

"I'll vacuum the car, don't worry babe," Stan promised, a smile that would have been sickly sweet coming from anyone else on his face.   
"That's the assumption I'm running on. It's still frustrating. The car will never not smell like popcorn again."  
"That's the curse you'll have to live with."

Stan stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry. Craig had no response for that. To be fair, there probably wasn't a good one. From there it didn't take too long to get to the campsite - it wasn't actually hard to find, it was just that after a couple of wrong turns there was going to be a bit of a struggle naturally. Once they reached the turn off, which was announced by Stan yelling with all of two minutes later "right here! take the next right!", there was a moment of risky at best driving but then they were basically there. 

"So how far down do we wanna go?" Craig asked, driving along the uninhabited campsite.  
"Cul-de-sac at the end, you'll see it. There's a good place to have a tent and a fire."  
"You're good to set up the tent right?"  
"I'll need some help. You're tall! That's what you need to set it up properly."  
"Fine, you can use me for my height. I see how it is."

Stan laughed, though it was hard not to, so for Craig's sake he at least tried to keep it subtle. It was in that moment that Craig pulled up at the end of the cul-de-sac, far enough away from the few others at the campsite. 

"Lets go for a walk first, stretch our legs and all that before it gets dark."  
Craig begrudgingly agreed - after however many hours of driving a walk was a welcome break. 

"You gonna keep spilling popcorn?"  
"Well yeah, I should share it with the native animals."  
"I'd argue that that's bad for them but it's just corn, isn't it?"

As if to prove his point, Stan threw a handful of popcorn into the air, bending his head over backwards to catch it, with all but a few pieces falling onto the ground at his feet. They kept walking though, in relative quiet between them, neither really with anything to say, enjoying the peaceful noise of the woods. Once he was finished with the popcorn, Stan scrunched up the bag and tucked it into his pocket, to throw out once he got back to the car - as reckless as he was with throwing popcorn all over the place, he wasn't about to litter something non-decomposable into the woods. 

"Lets turn 'round," Craig said.   
"Sounds good. I don't want it to get dark without the fire and tent set up."  
"I'll start the fire while you start the tent. I can help though, don't worry babe."

Craig's felt it necessary to clarify, given the joking refusal to help before. 

"Don't know what I'd do without you."   
"Turn back earlier and do the tent and fire yourself."  
"Probably wouldn't go camping. I'd be so lonely."  
"Aw, aren't you glad you have me?" Craig asked, saccharine sweet voice.   
"God, I can't believe you're making fun of me for wanting to spend time with my partner."  
"I'm making fun of you dragging your partner out to the woods. If it weren't for the fact that I've known you literally forever I'd assume you were a serial killer."  
"I still could be, maybe I don't tell you about it."

Craig scoffed. The two of them had reached the campsite again, so Stan was unloading the car while Craig was making sure there was enough kindling in proximity to the fireplace - they'd packed some firewood in the car so that they wouldn't need to spend too long getting it from the campsite, and so they wouldn't rely on fallen trees for having cooked food while they were there. Craig arranged the kindling in the base of the fireplace, graduating from tiny stuff in the centre up to bigger sticks around it. 

"Okay I need your help now," Stan called out.   
"I want you to know I'm coming over to help and I didn't even sigh."  
"That's so good of you."

 

Craig helped hold the canvas of the tent upright while Stan threaded the tent frame through it, not taking too long at all. Once that was done and Stan was making sure the air mattress was inflated in their tent, Craig was lighting the fire, dropping a few matches into the kindling and then blowing on it slowly until it was going strong enough. Once the sticks were starting to smolder Craig added one of the bigger logs. There was another felled log laying parallel to the fire to sit on, where Stan came to sit beside Craig and watch the sun set behind the fire, the main source of light changing from the sun in the sky to the moon and the fire in front of them.


End file.
